So, contract on my last job ended two weeks ago; still haven’t found a new gig. Still hopeful, but it’s getting a bit stressful.

Mostly I’m bummed I’m not playing Skyrim right now. Which is stupid because I’ve got lots of other things to do, like finish painting three canvases before Christmas.

For now this keeps me pumped.

So, what else has been going on? Hillary’s computer died just after my new one got put together, so we just ordered basically the same parts again for her. I’ve got to RMA the PSU before we can get it running though. She’s not happy with being stuck on her netbook for everything, and stealing mine to do dailies.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s enough for now, I guess. Maybe more within a month? Let’s not get out hopes up.

So. What’s DRC been up to lately? Well, I just started ilovemyspouse.tumblr.com because I love my wife, and want a place where other people can express that too. If you don’t hate the person you’re with, op on over and submit something. It’d make my, and I’m sure someone else’s day

Right now I’m listening to the last year’s worth of music from Dan Wilkes – I love this song:

Raps For Your Brain by SWAGBERG

Other than that, I’ve been toying with the family site, which isn’t nearly ready yet. I keep thinking of different things to do with it, can’t make any decisions. I did manage to set up the emails for the domain though, so I’m not a total loser.

I also played a bunch of Portal 2 Co-op with my buddy Ben.

And other than that, not much. Working as a pharmaceutical industry technical agent, but not for much longer. Wishing I had a more obvious and extreme talent. Or a rich uncle.

Anyway. Until next time.

… just resting.

It’s been a crazy, well, year for me. Moving half-way across the country, getting back into an IT-centric job (oh god, I was pretty worried about that), Hillary going back to school, getting married (!), and now I’m looking for another job and Hillary’s starting her masters!

When last I posted (man, I remember when I started this thing thinking I could post little things every day – maybe I can try that again) I was just ranting about being a shut-in

So, some more updates. DBAF: yes there are a bunch of new pages. I’d like to say you can expect them soon, but I really don’t know when I’ll get around to them.

What else? I really hadn’t planned this. Not planning seems to be the only time I do anything, it seems like spontaneity is the only way I can get anything done; when I plan I worry, and the pressure builds. I worry a lot. I’m a little worried I’ve spliced a comma in this paragraph.

Fuck it, we’ll do it live.

I just finished reading Friends Like These by Danny Wallace. Loved it. I identify with a lot of the emotions and worries Danny feels, but not necessarily because of the same events. I don’t feel worried about getting older, in fact I really want that final outcome, it’s just all the bits in between I don’t want to do. I don’t know. I’m not great with expressing my emotions. But I do know that I’m okay with display pillows.

Okay, that seems like enough for now. More later?

I wanted to go see a conference my friend Matt was speaking at today. I was anxious about it since Thursday, and this morning when I had almost psyched myself up enough to head out for the “registration” my stomach tuned inside out and, well, let’s say I was under the weather. And now, having missed that opening ceremony, I’ve screwed any chance I had at seeing a dozen hours of academic video-game lectures, including a talk on NetHack by one of my best friends. Not that anyone running the even would likely turn me away from a conference, or even give me a second look.

I have an anxiety disorder. And while it’s not what would normally be described as “severe” but it’s not insignificant either. I find it incredibly difficult to engage in conversation with almost everyone – even people I’ve known for years. If you’re reading this thinking “why hasn’t Desiré emailed or called me since last year?” it’s because when I try an think about doing it, my whole body tries to shut down.

Hillary’s finishing up her BA and doing her Master’s next year and B-Ed after that. Meanwhile I can’t even think about going back to school without my stomach squeezing in on itself.

Before we moved to Ottawa we tried medication (bad side effects) and therapy (I was too anxious to go – ha! irony.) but neither seemed to help. And while I felt like I was getting better since then, it now seems like it’s just because I could rely on Hillary to help me through any tough times.

I don’t know. It’s weird that I can’t seem to find any logical “rules” to my anxiety. Sometimes I’m freaked out by strangers, sometimes I can call or email them without a second thought. Sometimes I can only talk to close friends, and other times I literally hide from the phone in a closet.

I could blame today on other factors making me more anxious and just coming to a head because of the conference, but I don’t really think it’s any thing else. I’ve had a history of being sick with anxiety an never needed anything actually distressing to set me off before.

[sigh] I can’t even tell you why writing this isn’t terrifying. The site gets ten thousand visitors a month, and I should expect ridicule from all of them.

Anyway- I’m going to go back to cleaning the apartment to alleviate the sense of shame and guilt, because I am an 1950s housewife stereotype.

We are grown-ups.

Happy birthday Claud!

I absolutely loved the Venture Bros season finale; it was just fantastic. Hillary and I are also keeping up with Glee, How I Met Your Mother, and Castle. We also just burned through Sherlock – also goram fantastic.

I’ve been playing Fallout New Vegas, Minecraft, Octodad and foolishly tinkering away at an Avatar rpg (I might have something on that later).

And we’re making plans for the wedding in July. Things are coming together rather nicely.

Anyway, that’s all for now. More late, perhaps?

Yes, I have the scans. Yes, I am working on them. Expect them by next Monday (Sept 27). I’m just starting a new job and looking for a new apartment. Busy!